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Charles Phipps
Master of Realmslore
1419 Posts |
 Posted - 16 Jan 2008 : 21:10:12
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I just thought I'd share this with you all. We've made the transition to 4E for the most part and are currently dealing with the aftermaths of it.
Here's the OOC conversation more or less as it happened.
Me, El DM: Okay guys, it's time to start playing the new Forgotten Realms. We're going with the assumption it'll be about a hundred year time skip because that's what was in the Drizzt Books.
Phillip, Dwarf Lovin Player: I'd like to repeat my objections to doing this time skip.
Me, El DM: Noted and you've been overruled by our game group's majority decree.
Phillip, Dwarf Lovin Player: This is why Dwarves prefer monarchy.
Me, El DM: As King, we're still time-skipping.
Michael, Snake Girl Lover: I'll be playing new characters. I'm going to have the daughter of my previous two characters. A Naga-Sorceress like her mom.
Phillip, Dwarf Lovin Player: Will Sorcerers and Magic users still exist in this New World?
Me, El DM: A Snake Girl Sorceress, Big surprise there.
Michael, Snake Girl Lover: She's also a thief!
Me, El DM: I'll be continuing to play Fuji when it's my turn to play and not DM.
Phillip, Dwarf Lovin Player: How can you continue to play Fuji? He's a human from Rokugan.
Me, El DM: *WA*, not Rokugan.
Phillip, Dwarf Lovin Player: You played Wa exactly like Rokugan.
Me, El DM: Blame, Wizards of the Coast for not releasing Oriental Adventures with Kara-Tur.
Kyle, Apathetic Gamer: I'm playing my guy as well.
Chris, Gnome Player: Gnomes still exist in Forgotten Realms? Vecna didn't wipe them out retroactively, right?
Michael, Snake Girl Lover: No, Vecna did 3E Realm's changes.
Chris, Gnome Player: So when did Bane die and the time of Troubles?
Michael, Snake Girl Lover: SECOND edition.
Me, The DM: Okay, first Order of Business. It's been approximately one hundred years since our heroes participated in the Time of Troubles and helped Cormyr successfully defend itself against the Demon Dragon and the Tuigan horde.
Michael, Snake Girl Lover: Which should have been like decades apart.
Me, The DM: Shut it. The Church of Cyric has grown exorbiantly across the Land and spread through every corner of Faerun despite the best efforts of our heroes to preach what an utter scumbag Cyric was. Thus, did the Churches of the Dark Triad fall to nothingness and evil spread across the land in a more subtle form.
Chris, Gnome Player: Remember when I used to make Cyric shine our boots when he was our henchman?
Kyle, Apathetic Player: Shhh, I need to hear this.
Me, The DM: Wealthy and famous for their activities; your previous player characters retired to great fanfare and respect as, despite the corrupting effects of Cyric's influence, you helped secure a time of peace and security for the whole of Faerun. You join the Annals of the Knights of Myth Drannor and the Nine for famous heroes.
Chris, Gnome Player: Hey, we killed BANE and Myrkul, we're damn well better than those losers.
Phillip, Dwarf Lover: My character retires to a pleasant life of metal-working and fathers a new Clan of Dwarves that will be my new character.
Kyle, Apathetic Player: Will you guys shut up?
Me, The DM: Alusair names Fuji as her consort and Calandei serves royally in both in and out of the bed chamber.
Players: *Groan*
Me, The DM: Hey, I cleared this with Michael. *ahem* The Empire of Cormyr grows well under the Steel Regent before passing to King Azoun V and now passing it onto his son.
Chris, Gnome Player: I can't believe you killed Tanalasta. I had a thing with her.
Kyle, Apathetic Player: That was in the books and your Gnome never had an affair with her. You just insisted you did.
Me, El DM: The Peace of Faerun was shattered then, in a collosol and terrible disaster nine months ago with the advent of the Spell Plague.
Chris, The Gnome Player: The Hootchie wah?
Phillip, Dwarf Lover: The Stupidiest Plotline ever.
Kyle, Apathetic Player: Can you guys just let him finish?
Me, El DM: A terrifying madness possesses most of the Wizards in the world and compells them to go off killing one another left and right as magic runs wild. Haruula has been almost destroyed while Thay enters a degenerate civil war. Countless magicians are slain by heroes great and small while many of the brightest stars of the world are killed trying to put an end to the magical madness. The Constellation of Mystra the Third, greatest of the deities, then falls to nothingness.
Chris, The Gnome Player: What, someone killed midnight?
Philip, Dwarf Lover: You didn't read the e-mail?
Chris, The Gnome Player: I have a life.
Me, El DM: No one yet knows the cause but a terrible catastrophe seems to have sparked a Second Godswar. Others think of it as a new Time of Troubles. The Constellations of Helm, Deneir, and other gods fall to the sky to the despair of the whole of Faerun.
Michael, Snake Girl Player: I'm going to need a list of dead gods for my notes, after the session.
Kyle, Apathetic Player: It's like being stuck in the theatre during Star Wars' Opening Crawl with people talking.
Me, El DM: Worse, above all the other stars, a terrible burning and familiar Red Star blazes. The terrible Eye of Bane once more stares down at the whole of Toril while unnatural storms brew in the desert of Anauroch.
Phillip, Dwarf Player: Huh?
Michael, Snake Girl Player: He's tying the return of Shade to the Spell Plague.
Phillip, Dwarf Player: So we retconned out the Return of the Archwizards? Good, something good came out of this.
Me, El DM: Vast sweeping hordes have poured out of the Northern Wastes of the Silver Marches, conquering everything in their path, and the devastation of the Spell Plague on Evermeet has forced vast numbers to retreat back to Cormanthor where they have declared an end to the Retreat. The Elves, despite the vast sickness, have weathered the disease best and now are the greatest source of magic on Faerun....which they intend to repay the weakened human race for the vast number of indignities they've suffered in kind.
Phillip, Dwarf Player: Elves are evil now?
Chris, The Gnome Player: Elves aren't normally evil?
Phillip, Dwarf Player: WOW is not Faerun. Remember?
Chris, The Gnome Player: Oh right.
Me, El DM: And our heroes debate these terrible happenings while Planes shift and reality re-arranges itself in the place that it always begins....
Michael, Snake Girl Player: We're starting in the Old Skull Tavern?
Me, El DM: Some things never change.
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My Blog: http://unitedfederationofcharles.blogspot.com/
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Edited by - Charles Phipps on 17 Jan 2008 16:43:50
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Aureus
Learned Scribe
Luxembourg
125 Posts |
Posted - 17 Jan 2008 : 09:22:50
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quote:
Michael, Snake Girl Player: We're starting in the Old Skull Tavern?
Me, El DM: Some things never change.
I like that one |
That is not the weirdest thing that happened to me |
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ShadezofDis
Senior Scribe
402 Posts |
Posted - 17 Jan 2008 : 15:30:24
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| Well played sir. :) |
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The Hooded One
Lady Herald of Realmslore
5056 Posts |
Posted - 17 Jan 2008 : 16:14:38
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Well, you reduced Ed to bellows of laughter and rolling around in his chair with this one. Me, I'd just like to point out that we players in the home Realms campaign aren't like that. Er, much.
love,
THO |
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Charles Phipps
Master of Realmslore
1419 Posts |
Posted - 18 Jan 2008 : 05:47:59
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Thanks Hooded One!
Part II
Oddly, I'm going to admit that some of this makes me look bad, but....well, that's the way it crumbles.
Part 3 will have everyone's reactions to the Gods changes.
Me, The DM: Okay, it's night in Shadowdale and and you're all gathered in the Old Skull Inn for a typical round of ale or Gnomish wine while waiting for some hint of greater things to come to rescue you from the mundanity of Dale-life.
Phillip: You're not even hiding that we're waiting for a plotline, are you?
Me, The DM: And Phillip's dwarf is hit by lightning.
Phillip: hey!
Me, The DM: The gods are fickle in the post, Pre, and during Spell-plague period.
Michael: So, who runs the Old Skull Inn now? The previous owners have to be dead.
Me, The DM: It was purchased by your old character, Musim the half-elf who moved in here with Imzel the Snake Girl and the two had a large get that now compromises much of Shadowdale's employed population, descendents wise.
Phillip: much of Shadowdale's population is snake people?
Me, The DM: No, they're mostly human.
Michael: Pity.
Chris: Bah, we should all be Kings and ruling over vast empires with the kind of stuff we pulled.
Me, The DM: I remind you, your character was the King of Gnomedale in the Thunder Peaks before you robbed its treasury and ran away.
Chris: Ah, the joys of Chaotic Neutrality.
Me, The DM: Ill tidings and black news is spreading across the Free lands of Faerun in recent months.
Kyle: can we not use black as a pejorative?
Me, The DM: For the African Americans amongst our group, BLEAK news is spread.
Kyle: Thank you....and Drow have blue or purple skin. Ditto Duegar.
Me, The DM: ANYyyway, the fires of Zhentil Keeps forges have been working non-stop as the ancient and decrypt Empire of Emperor Fzoul Chembyrl the Merciless has once more begun movement. News of massive bloody purges of Cyricists fill the air as the Church of Xvim disappears overnight. Countless caravans have been raided for sacrifices as people once more fear the ill tidings of Bane.
Phillip: Great, we're going to be facing Zhents. 100 years in the future and it's still the Zhents.
Michael: Charles' Zhents don't suck, recall?
Phillip: I don't believe him.
Chris: I like Drow. *whip noises*
Me, The DM: Mystrans have been killed from Hillsfar to Daggerdale as magic is no longer welcome in a land that once welcomed them. Countless Refugees have poured into Shadowdale with the town of Spelldale destroyed overnight. Elminster's Hutt has been destroyed in a mysterious explosion while Storm's Cabin is abandoned.
Chris: My gnome had ghost-sex with Sylune, once. Storm too.
Kyle, Michael, Phillip: Yes...we know.
Me, The DM: Every adult male in Shadowdale has had sex with Storm. It's a right of passage around here.
Phillip: So, when's the creepy and mysterious stranger going to show up?
Me, The Dm: How did you.....uhhh.....oh dammit. Fine, the door opens up to reveal the weather beaten and dillapidated hooded figure of an unfamiliar man.
Phillip: HA! I knew it.
Me, The DM: Wait, it isn't unfamiliar at all....it's FUJI the Samurai! Lost for over a year.
Phillip: Dammit, he's using his character to fill us in on information again.
Me, The DM: Musim wonders how many holes he'll have to patch in the roof tile from all the lightning pouring down on the Dwarf.
Philip: Oh dammit!
[To be Continued]
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My Blog: http://unitedfederationofcharles.blogspot.com/
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Edited by - Charles Phipps on 18 Jan 2008 07:01:01 |
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Charles Phipps
Master of Realmslore
1419 Posts |
Posted - 18 Jan 2008 : 07:01:11
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Part 3
Phillip: You know, we don't need all this. We've all kept up with 4E's monstrouscity.
Chris: Speak for yourself. So, stuff changed?
Phillip: :rolleyes:
Me, The DM: Fuji has spent the past nine-months meditating on a mountain as the overwhelming horror of the Spell Plague overwhelmed his mystic senses and nearly drove him mad.
Michael: Speaking of which, Charles, I need you to send me your updated character sheet. Fuji is no longer a monk but a Swordsage, right?
Kyle: Maybe the world's best swordsman can actually hit something now.
Me, The DM: Kyle...
Kyle: I'm just saying, it was kinda sad the way that your Monk of Kelemvor practiced in-story non-stop and yet was constantly getting less damage than our fighters.
Me, The DM: The Former Chosen of Shar was gifted with a terrible vision of what has occurred in the divine realm.
Phillip: Speaking of which, what have the rest of us been doing for the past 9 months while the world goes to Hell?
Michael: Also, just as a note, I think the Time Skip is supposed to be Spell-Plague THEN 100 years not 100 years THEN Spell Plague.
Chris: I'm confused. Sword-sage?
Kyle: It's a neat book with prestige class....
Chris: Nevermind, not interested.
Kyle: One last thing before you get started...
Me, the DM: Ughhhhhh we have started.
Kyle: Why does Fuji get to be a former Chosen of Shar? I mean, what do we get?
Me, The DM: Kyle, what's your character and what does he wield?
Kyle: I'm a Chaotic Evil Bhaalspawn Warblade out to slay Cyric. I wield the Fang of Bhaal, the former sword of my father.
Phillip: My Dwarf Paladin maintains his powers despite hanging out with him, right?
Me, The DM: So long as he keeps his mass homicide confined to bad people. *waves hand* It's a divine indulgence from Moradin.
Kyle: But yes, I don't know why you don't let some of that Chosen Goodness fly our way.
Me, The DM: Irony, Kyle, look it up.
Michael: I'm content just being a snake girl.
[DM's Note: Ironically, Michael's Character is made Chosen of Mask in a later session]
Chris: My Gnome just wants the Ladies and is not afraid to use magic to get them.
Me, the Dm: ANYWAYyyy, back to the plot exposition. Fuji orders up his usual hot water and makes his tea before sitting by the Fireplace in what I'm sure Phillip will suggest is either ripped off from the Lord of the Rings or Dragonlance.
Chris: What lance?
Philip: Just as long as you're clear you haven't an original bone in your body. At least it's not Elminster this time.
Kyle: Hey, Elminster is cool! He occasionally gives magic items for quests!
Chris: Speak for yourself, the guy stole *my* Scepter of the Sorcerer Kings
Kyle: We were recovering it FOR him.
Chris: MINE.
Me, the Dm: Fuji shares his nightmare with you. He relates that he believes it was Shar that sent this dream to torment him. It was of the Fall of Mystra and the end of the Age of Magic that has devastated the whole of Abber-Toril.
Michael: "Shar destroyed Mystra?" Lisa asks.
Phillip: We already know it was...
Michael: Lisa gives Phillip's character a Noogie to stay in character.
Me, the Dm: "It was not Shar that destroyed Mystra", Fuji relates. "But Cyric. The Dark Sun has been biding his time these past centuries. Making Fel alliances and growing powerful evil magics in the depths of his Abyssal throne."
Chris: *actually whispering for once* I thought Cyric lived in the Supreme Throne?
Phillip: 3E, we still use the Great Wheel.
Chris: The wha?
Phillip: Manual of the Planes.
Chris: *whispers* God, why can't we just stick to 3 books like normal people.
Me, the Dm: "From there, he made a terrible alliance with Velsharoon and Shar. Probing the ancient arts of darkness, they restored to life the Tyrant God Bane which distracted Mystra long enough for the Lord of Assassins to strike at her fast enough with a blade forged of Primordial Evil cast in Ghaundaur's Evil Light to smote her ruin."
Chris: I have no idea what you just said but it sounds really cool.
Kyle: Shhh. I'm getting in the mood.
Michael: Lisa says "But Mystra has returned every time she's died before!"
Me, The DM: "Not this time. For the blow struck by Cyric did not merely destroy Mystra's astral body but destroyed the whole of the Weave itself. Like a tidal wave, the Elder Evil Power washed over creation and destroyed dozens of divine realms as it drove mad all wizards unwilling to cast away their sorcery."
Phillip: *speaking in Dwarf tones* "Bah, urrr, shouldna the Chosen have been enough to preserve the Weave."
Me, The DM: Fuji shakes his head "I do not know, but the Shadow Weave seems to have been broken by the experience as well and for that we must be grateful. I may be but wishfully hoping, however."
Michael: "Yes, if Shar has access to the only source of magic on Faerun, it may be the doom of us all!" Lisa says.
Chris: Shar's the sexy night lady, right?
Me, The DM: Was that in character?
Chris: Uhh...yes.
Me, The DM: Everyone looks at your Gnome like he's drunk, as usual.
Chris: I go back to ignoring Fuji and pinching waitresses.
Me, the DM: "Worse, the Triad had already been broken by this time for Cyric had woven a potion of madness with the essence of Shar's power to poison Helm's mind. Helm had long been lovers with Tymora the Luck Goddess...."
Phillip: Since when?
Me, The Dm: Listen, we play the Realms as God and Greenwood intended. That means the Gods are like the Elves and the Elves are like White Wolf characters. They have lots of sex because it's fun and they're all hedonist Greeks. Helm is lovers with probably everyone at one point in his immortal life.
Chris: Here here.
Me, The DM: "And the marriage between Tyr and Tymora set by Sune to unite the powers of good against the rise of Bane was disrupted. Helm charged forth and a duel emerged. Tyr's power was mightier but Helm's fury was incurable and the God of Justice was forced to smote his own dearest friend....to Cyric's evil laughter."
Chris: I'm so proud of Cyric, I taught him everything he knows.
Phillip: My Dwarf looks sad, vows revenge for Helm, and orders a pint in his honor.
Chris: I take the pint because it's free booze.
Philip: So, get to the good part where the Dwarf gods smite the Duegar gods.
Me, The DM: Well that's unimportant right now.
Phillip: Oh dammit!
Me, The Dm: "A terrible war is waged with the Gods Deneir and Milil slain by Mask. Ultimately, Cyric's madness curse spreads through all of Mystra's chosen and as the lands of magic burn....Unther is dominated by terrible creatures and Mulhorandi devastated. Chaos reigns across the land. There is one bright spot for Cyric's power has not been unpunished. Tyr, Sune, and Lathander joined forces and have bound him at the bottom of the Abyss."
Phillip: Isn't the Abyss infinite?
Me, the Dm: Yes, which means he's bound really really :censored: deep.
Michael: Lisa says "He'll be more eager than ever to escape now and wreck havok on the world."
Kyle: My character laughs manically at all the carnage and his chance to seize Cyric's powr.
Michael: Out of Character, the Denier and Milil thing is your invention, right?
Me, The DM: Too many music gods. Finder is taking over the roles and Oghma.
Kyle: There's like 70 gods and we're only killing like six?
Me, The DM: Fuji shakes his head and says "A terrible power has subsumed most of the Realms in carnage. Heroes are needed now more than ever and I ask you to accompany me to Cormyr to join in defense of the King from the horrors particularly unleashed there by way of Daggerdale."
Michael: Whose King now?
Me, The DM: Azoun the...Fifth. He has two heirs.
Michael: Who?
Me, the Dm: Uhhh :shifty: Tanalasta and Alusair....the Seconds.
Philip: Oh come on, Who rules Daggerdale?
Me, The Dm: Rand....OLF Morn. He's Randal's half-elven son.
Phillip: Not enough time for proper notes yet, huh.
Me, The DM: Lightning hits your dwarf unconsicous.
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My Blog: http://unitedfederationofcharles.blogspot.com/
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Eremite
Learned Scribe
Singapore
182 Posts |
Posted - 18 Jan 2008 : 10:29:21
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| Thanks for making me laugh!!! |
Best
E |
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Alisttair
Great Reader
Canada
3054 Posts |
Posted - 18 Jan 2008 : 13:57:43
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| Haha, this was great. Thanks! |
Karsite Arcanar (Most Holy Servant of Karsus)
Anauria - Survivor State of Netheril as penned by me:
http://www.dmsguild.com/m/product/172023 |
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Slaygrim
Learned Scribe
111 Posts |
Posted - 18 Jan 2008 : 16:24:39
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| Don't leave us hanging! I want to see what that crazy gnome does next! |
Watch my gorgeous wife sing at:
www.youtube.com/Airicx |
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Charles Phipps
Master of Realmslore
1419 Posts |
Posted - 18 Jan 2008 : 19:50:33
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Part Four ends the discussions we've had on Fourth Edition so far, this may change as new information becomes available.
OOC-Conversation.
Michael, Fellow DM: Okay, just so we've established some ground rules, all of the campaign we've established thus far is potentially subject to ret-con as increasing information about 4E becomes available.
Me, DM: Yes, though the plotlines will remain the same and parts that don't contradict will be merged.
Michael, Fellow DM: That includes your mistake on the Spell plague.
Me, Dm: can we get off that?
Phillip, Also there because he's Michael's brother: I can't believe that they destroyed Sembia!
Me, DM: They didn't destroy Sembia, it's just part of netheril now.
Phillip: Sembia is one of my favorite Realms!
Me, DM: Everyone hates Sembia. Sembia combines the worst stereotypes of corporate america with Venicean politics. It exists to be vilified.
Phillip: I happen to LIKE Tolnedria.
Me, DM: Huh?
Phillip: You've never read the Belgariad?
Me, DM: Now I know how Chris feels.
[Actually, I read it, I was just screwing with him]
Michael: Sembians stole Musim and Imzel's horse.
Me, DM: The fact a bunch of wizards control a bunch of evil bankers doesn't keep it from being a bunch of evil bankers.
Kyle: Hey guys!
Me, DM: Uh....hi kyle, what are you doing here?
Kyle: I thought we'd get a game in.
Me, DM: Well Chris isn't here...
Kyle: His gnome can guard the horses.
Me, DM: Listen...
Kyle: Oh did you hear the latest 4E Reams spoilers. ALL the gods don't exist that are racial pantheon members.
Me, DM: I'll believe that when I see it.
Michael, Fellow DM: Actually, I prefer a larger pantheon to the indistinct entities of Eberron.
Phillip: we need a game of Eberron.
Me, DM: I remind you, after what you did to my last one, we won't be doing that.
Kyle: No, this means they'll be only like twelve gods! It'll be cool!
Me, DM: They'll be more than 12 gods.
Kyle: So how are we going to be implementing this.
Phillip: IN *OUR* Campaign world, kyle, we've seen plenty of deities. Remember, we had Hanelli and Sune bathe together.
Kyle: Which was neat but, it'll....be like her bathing with herself.
Me, DM: Which fits her, I know. However, I like Talos more than Gruumsh.
Kyle: I thought you liked the idea that all the gods were different faces of one another.
Me, DM: Yes, but unfortunately they all have different personalities and I couldn't make it work.
Kyle: Meh, the Gods are just schizophrenic. We knew that.
Me, DM: Whatveer Kyle, we'll wait and see what it says. |
My Blog: http://unitedfederationofcharles.blogspot.com/
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Charles Phipps
Master of Realmslore
1419 Posts |
Posted - 29 Jan 2008 : 04:16:49
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Almost a verbatim conversation at my PC's last session.
Fuji: Okay, now we have to go rescue the Princess.
Edgar the Gnome: Why?
Fuji: Hmmm?
Edgar the Gnome: Who died and made us the defenders of Cormyr's problems?
Fuji: Edgar...
Imzel: She's a friend!
Edgar The Gnome: No, I'll say my peace. I'm getting sick of this. No matter where we go, there's :censored: hitting the fan of some sort. The local lord has been overthrown, there's an invasion of Githyanki, someone's child has been kidnapped, or there's an excursion of Giants.
Fuji: Errr...
Edgar The Gnome: Seriously, it's like the whole world is going to pot. Sometimes, weird, I think that the dung doesn't hit the windmill right until we visit the place! It's like the Gods of Evil hold off their plans right until we walk into town JUST so that we'll be compelled to stick our nose in things.
Galan: Edgar...
Edgar the Gnome: Just let me phrase this simply. Next town, I don't care if BANE HIMSELF is going to show up and challenge me to an arm wrestling match...
Lisa: You'd lose.
Edgar the Gnome: I am going to keep my head down and just HAVE MY BEER without interruption.
Fuji: Are you done?
Edgar the Gnome: Do we even get paid for this? I thought we were mercenaries and thieves!? |
My Blog: http://unitedfederationofcharles.blogspot.com/
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Eldacar
Senior Scribe
438 Posts |
Posted - 31 Jan 2008 : 14:17:41
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Just thought I'd make a note of this:
This thread is made of 50% win, 50% awesome and 50% legend. You really did make my day. Especially this one:
quote:
Philip: Just as long as you're clear you haven't an original bone in your body. At least it's not Elminster this time.
Kyle: Hey, Elminster is cool! He occasionally gives magic items for quests!
Chris: Speak for yourself, the guy stole *my* Scepter of the Sorcerer Kings
Kyle: We were recovering it FOR him.
Chris: MINE.
I almost fell out of my chair laughing. |
"The Wild Mages I have met exhibit a startling disregard for common sense, and are often meddling with powers far beyond their own control." ~Volo
"Not unlike a certain travelogue author with whom I am unfortunately acquainted." ~Elminster |
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Charles Phipps
Master of Realmslore
1419 Posts |
Posted - 04 Feb 2008 : 05:15:06
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A Conversation on Orcs and Human Beings in 4E
Lisa the Thief: So, Fuji, Orcs and humans.
Fuji the Samurai: Hmm, what?
Lisa the Thief: So, what's the deal.
Galan, the Half Orc Ranger: Orcs are soulless rampaging killing machines.
Marcus the Tiefling Paladin: I think she's asking you why Orcs and Humans don't get along.
Fuji the Samurai: Why are you asking me?
Lisa the Theif: err, you're a couple of centuries old. You've lived with Orcs. You're not evil. You're the Ex-Chosen of Shar. I figure we'd get your perspective on the issue.
OOC Kyle: You're doing stock land description Chuck and I want you to settle a bet with me and Chris.
OOC Michael: I like your random lore.
OOC Chris: I've read Chucks posts, they're Daleks. I'M FROM BUENOS AIRES AND I SAY KILL EM ALL!
OOC Charles: Was that in character?
Edgar: *ahem* I'm from Gnomedale and I say kill em all!
Galan: Agreed.
Edgar: They're ugly and dark skinned.
OOKyle: My character hits Edgar repeatedly. Is there a latrine to flush the gnome down? Or throw him in, I guess?
OO Charles: Yes.
Fuji The Samurai: Alright, Eggs.
Lisa: Eh?
Fuji The Samurai: Eggs is the secret of Orcs and Evil.
OOC Kyle: God, he's doing that stupid Cryptic thing again.
OOCharles: I could just e-mail the information if you don't want me to talk in character.
OOC Michael: Can we let the guy speak.
Edgar the Gnome: We should eliminate all ugly races as a matter of course. Bugbears, gnolls, and so on. Halflings are okay but Gnomes and Dwarves will be purged. At least the males.
Fuji The Samurai: You're a Gnome.
Edgar the Gnome: VICIOUS AND SLANDEROUS *LIES*!
Fuji The Samurai: Allow me to explain. Orcs require roughly about ten pounds of fresh meat a day. They're a carnivorous race that often finds itself depopulating the surrounding areas around them of fresh game and ranching requires fairly vast amounts of cattle that will swiftly be gone through. Though orcs and pigs have worked wonders, the issue still applies, they eat a lot of meat.
Galan the Half Orc: Which is why they eat the flesh of man.
Fuji The Samurai: More or less, to combat starvation, orcs have a habit of eating their own dead and the sickly. They have no cannibal problems amongst themselves, so that other races and their dead are another issue.
Lisa the Thief: I see.
Fuji the Samurai: In every area where Orcs and Humans live in relative peace. The Orcs have taken up raising chickens. Eggs are like porrige to Orcs. Bland, tasteless, but nourishing. Orcish packs tend to be filled with Raw eggs. When Orcs have eggs, they tend to refrain from psychotically attacking their neighbors every winter.
Lisa the Thief: So, the trick to making peace with Orcs is to give them chickens?
Fuji the Samurai: I didn't say they LIKED eggs, Lisa. It's a subsistance food. They could, however, with eggs also start large scale cattle ranching as some places in Thar have done thanks to Zhent influence and be reasonably civilized. It'll never happen though.
Edgar The Gnome: Because, they're filthy filthy ugly people! Like Half...human...half GNOMES!
[DM's Note: The joke is that Edgar hates Gnomes because his ego was, at this time, still bruised from being banished by his own people for gross incompetence. Really, his alignment is Chaotic Neutral but it seems clear at times he verges on CE whenever dealing with the poor, ugly, or blatant Earth-paralells.]
Fuji the Samurai: More, because humans and elves can't spare that land. Humans need large amounts of farm land to support their territories. Likewise, elves need large amounts of virgin wilderness so they can bind their spirits to the forrests and gain immortality.
[DM's note: My excuse for elven longevity]
Lisa the Thief: So you're saying, they'll always be conflict because of basic biological differences?
Fuji the Samurai: Probably. |
My Blog: http://unitedfederationofcharles.blogspot.com/
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Charles Phipps
Master of Realmslore
1419 Posts |
Posted - 15 Feb 2008 : 19:56:35
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Actually, I think that the problem with DMs is that they really just want to make their own trouble. Realms fans are very much like comic book fans in that you know how big a fan they are of a setting by how much they hate it.
I've only had this conversation once with my players, then they got the message.
The Worst RPG group in Faerun handles NPCs of power
Me: An army of orcs is about to take the town of Shadowdale by storm.
Chris: Uhhhh, I go knock on Elminster's door.
Me: You find a note tacked upon the door frame. It says "I'm currently visiting another world at this time. I don't know when I'll be back but I'm sure to bring souvenirs. If there is any problems, please contact a rag-tag group of adventurers and have them take care of it. Signed---E."
Chris: You're kidding.
Me: Nope.
Chris: It actually says that?
Me: Mmmm hmm.
Chris: Where's Storm? Sylune.
Me: Out.
Chris: Out where?
Me: No one knows. Being Harpers, they have a tendency to wander.
Chris: And when they get back...
Me: Well, they might not come back if Shadowdale is a smoking ruin. Being centuries old, you get used to the transient nature of life...
Chris: I see, so it's up to us again.
Kyle: Errr....duh.
Chris: I'm just checking to see where the Usual Suspects are.
Me: Alustriel, should you enter a portal, is currently suffering magical flu. The Simbul would probably slaughter the whole of Shadowdale before you informed her you were against the Orcs then get bored halfway....you'd be just as good contacting Halastar to be honest. Khelben is also visiting another world, specifically the Nine Hells, where he's going to be playing chess with Asmodeus for a month. Larael is indisposed on Evermeet with six randy young elves and her vacation is not to be disturbed. Qilue is having a naked festival in Arborea.
Chris: Drizzt?
Me: Currently on a boat, hunting pirates. No forwarding map.
Chris: Do you make these up off the top of your head or do you have a list?
Me: Yes. Frankly, I've never quite forgiven you for Operation: Roundhouse.
Kyle: Oh come on! Hiring Artemis Entreri to kill your Big Bad was awesome!
Chris: I still call :censored: on the idea he won't accept a contract on Manshoon or Fzoul.
Me: Yes, well, live and learn.
Phillip: If you guys are done, can we actually act like heroes?
Kyle: only if we have to. |
My Blog: http://unitedfederationofcharles.blogspot.com/
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Edited by - Charles Phipps on 15 Feb 2008 19:57:40 |
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Tonak
Acolyte
3 Posts |
Posted - 21 Feb 2009 : 10:51:51
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| Inspiration. It seems wizards realized that alot of mainstream roleplayer, DM's were having trouble creating conflict in FR, so they sent the realm to hell in a handbasket. |
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Markustay
Realms Explorer extraordinaire
USA
15724 Posts |
Posted - 25 Feb 2009 : 17:23:42
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Although THIS isn't the proper place for this conversation, I would say tha only a certain percentage of DMs were having any sort of problem with FR, and the current team of designers were having the same problem, so they assumed the group that was having problems were the correct one, because their own DMing skills couldn't possibly be at fault.
And yet... so many of us had no problems at all...
The game has been reduced to its lowest common denominator. Fortunately, we still have choices, and D&D isn't the only fish in the pond anymore.
And at the same time, I salute anyone - Charles especially - for keeping "the dream alive". D&D will always have a special place in my heart, and I really am glad others are still able to enjoy it. |
"I have never in my life learned anything from any man who agreed with me" --- Dudley Field Malone
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coach
Senior Scribe
USA
479 Posts |
Posted - 25 Feb 2009 : 17:59:38
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you see that is the problem with the logic behind that type of thinking, DMs don't need the publisher to help create "conflict"
and for what it's worth I don't think WotC had this in mind as the reason they changed.
anyways back on topic, someone find Charles to get this started again, this stuff is great - I pulled a rib-cage muscle laughing! |
Bloodstone Lands Sage |
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ErskineF
Learned Scribe
USA
330 Posts |
Posted - 25 Feb 2009 : 19:16:24
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quote:
Me, The Dm: "There is one bright spot for Cyric's power has not been unpunished. Tyr, Sune, and Lathander joined forces and have bound him at the bottom of the Abyss."
Phillip: Isn't the Abyss infinite?
Me, the Dm: Yes, which means he's bound really really :censored: deep.
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Erskine Fincher
http://forgotten-realms.wandering-dwarf.com/index.php |
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Markustay
Realms Explorer extraordinaire
USA
15724 Posts |
Posted - 26 Feb 2009 : 17:14:07
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"The Infinity Conundrum", eh?
Infinite planes... with borders. 
You just gotta love 2e's heart-felt (but wholly inadequate) attempt to 'explain the universe'. Still my favorite editon lore-wise, despite all the vaguaries.
Anyhow, Charles was regular over at WotC for awhile, and an 'early adopter' of 4e. He no longer posts there either - at least, not in the FR forums - which is a shame, because he was one of the few pro-4e people who was able to show me the 'bright side' of the new lore.
Toward the end there, some of his posts were losing their... enthuiasm... and I hope thats not what drove him from the boards.  |
"I have never in my life learned anything from any man who agreed with me" --- Dudley Field Malone
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Edited by - Markustay on 26 Feb 2009 17:14:52 |
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Wooly Rupert
Master of Mischief
USA
36782 Posts |
Posted - 26 Feb 2009 : 17:53:51
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| It's only been about 3 weeks since his last post... He's fallen silent for extended periods of time before, then popped up again and gotten active. |
Candlekeep Forums Moderator
Candlekeep - The Library of Forgotten Realms Lore
http://www.candlekeep.com -- Candlekeep Forum Code of Conduct
I am the Giant Space Hamster of Ill Omen! |
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The Sage
Procrastinator Most High
Australia
31701 Posts |
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Knight of the Gate
Senior Scribe
USA
624 Posts |
Posted - 05 May 2013 : 08:47:25
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| I'm casting resurrect scroll here in blatant disregard of threadromancy rules because this is the single funniest thing I've ever read in relation to our hobby. I, every 6 months or so, dig this up and belly-laugh all over again. I wanted to bump it to give newer scribes the chance to enjoy it. Charles, if you're still out there; kudos to you, sir. |
How can life be so bountiful, providing such sublime rewards for mediocrity? -Umberto Ecco |
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Caladan Brood
Senior Scribe
Norway
410 Posts |
Posted - 05 May 2013 : 09:46:21
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| Great thread :D Very entertaining |
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Renin
Learned Scribe
USA
290 Posts |
Posted - 05 May 2013 : 18:55:14
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| I'll say thanks for the *bump* this was awesome! |
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Topic |
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How our group handled the Great Skip
